"Doesn't it seem like she was always sleeping?"
"Well, yeah, I guess. I don't really remember."
My sister had brought up the topic of our mother and the time of her residency on Lashley Street.
What memory I had of the tall, white apartment complex was faint. But, my sister was right; mostly, my mother slept. When she was awake, I don't remember her being there much. She would awaken after days, leave to be with friends, come home and make us dinner, sleep, and resurface again.
Sometimes, I was in the apartment by myself, or Mom was asleep just asleep just upstairs. It felt the same though. I practiced my front flips on the pull out couch. My sister was out, trying to make friends with the shady kids from the other buildings.
During the summer, I would go to the apartment pool. I had to wear floaties on my arms because I didn’t quite know how to swim. I knew how to read. The pool sign said there was no lifeguard on duty and that anyone under the age of 14 had to be accompanied by an adult. Often, I was the only one at the pool. No adults and certainly no Mom. She was sleeping but she’d be down in a few she said. I usually waited, just swimming around in my floaties until finally she came around.
There was a man who brought my mother flowers. Each time it was a bunch of different colored roses.
“I hate roses,” she said after closing the front door behind her. She walked from the entrance and set them on the countertop. My mother sighed and retreated back to her elusive bedroom.
I had watched the two tapes of Titanic in her room. I ate warm, hard boiled eggs while doing so.
“She never ate. She fed us Ramen noodles but never had them herself,” recalled my now grown sister. I guess she was right. My mother was always at the table asking how it was but there was never a plate in front of her. Mostly, I had assumed that was just a characteristic my mother had. Upon review inside my mind, the real reason lay very clear.
“Take a look at the timeline of photos. See how the woman in the last frame looks so aged compared to the first one? This is only a five year time span. This is what meth can do to you.” Oh god. I’m back in health class in middle school.
“Meth users begin to develop sores on their skin. They can go days without feeling hungry and skip meal after meal. Most people get addicted the very first time they try it.”
It hurt so bad to realize. All I could think about was the time she cooked us fried eggs for dinner but I was so sick I didn’t want any. We had to go back to Dad’s so Mom carried me down the stairs. They were carpeted just like every hallway in the building. Before I knew it, I was vomiting all over them, all over me, all over my mother.
Upon my realizations, I felt like vomiting once more.
“Do you think she’s stopped using?”
“Well, I don’t know. Last I heard from her was that card for my birthday,” I answered to my sister. “She mostly just apologized in it as usual.”
“Yeah, she always does.”
She always does.
